Post by Evil Dave on Aug 14, 2007 10:15:21 GMT -5
............disemboweled with a wooden cooking spoon!
This is a tribute topic to my fav stand up comedian George Carlin. It's a staple bit he does where he basically just lists groups of people he'd like to see meet a grisly demise. Here's some examples he's used over his many years on stage:
1. Guys who fly around the world in hot air balloons - Some rich trouser stain has nothing better to do with his time, so he decides to burn up some cash by cruising around in d**n balloon. I hope the next guy gets a leak, flies around in little fart circles, and lands in a sewage treatment pool where he can sink with the rest of the turds!
2. Grown men who refer to their father as "my Daddy" - You see a lot of this stupid sh*t in the South. "My daddy, my daddy, my daddy......My daddy used to say blah-blahba-blah-blahba-blah-blah.................." Well wasn't that fu*kin' enlightening! My daddy used to say things too. My daddy used to say FU*K YOUR DADDY! Fu*k your daddy, in his wrinkled rusted rural a**hole! Grow up Jimmy Bob Danny Frank. You're not 5 years old anymore........more like 9!
3. Musicians with only one name - Madonna, Sting, Jewel, Bono..............Get a fu*kin' last name! It's bad enough their music sucks, but without a last name you can't find out where they live so you can throw a fu*kin' bomb through their window...........I got a nice name you can use. How about Pretentious C*ck-Sucker? Even has a trendy lil' hyphen!
4. These guys with "hands-free phones" - Mr. self important can't be bothered. Just because he's on the phone doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to sift through high-end merchandise and reach for his Platinum credit card.........I say "Hey Mr. Spaceman! As long as your hands are free, why don't you reach over here and fondle my balls!"
5. People who let their children record their outgoing message on their answering machine - Yeah this is just what I wanted. I don't get to hear about how "cute" kids are enough everywhere else I look, now I get to sit through some more of it on my phone. And the kid's a fu*kin' moron so you can't understand a word of it anyway.................................."Hi my name is Stacey, I'm five years old, my mommy and daddy can't come to the phone, once i rode a pony, i like to eat glue, my mommy and daddy say that ----------------------BEEEEEEEEP!
"Hi Stacy here's my message..............I'm coming over to KILL mommy and daddy. I'm gonna cut off their skin and make a funny hat! Then I'm gonna take out my huge ding dong and -- BEEEEEEP!"
Well, there you go. I think that should give you the idea. Just list some people that piss you off and give some humorous reasons as to why they deserve to get hit over the head with a Stilson wrench.
This is a tribute topic to my fav stand up comedian George Carlin. It's a staple bit he does where he basically just lists groups of people he'd like to see meet a grisly demise. Here's some examples he's used over his many years on stage:
1. Guys who fly around the world in hot air balloons - Some rich trouser stain has nothing better to do with his time, so he decides to burn up some cash by cruising around in d**n balloon. I hope the next guy gets a leak, flies around in little fart circles, and lands in a sewage treatment pool where he can sink with the rest of the turds!
2. Grown men who refer to their father as "my Daddy" - You see a lot of this stupid sh*t in the South. "My daddy, my daddy, my daddy......My daddy used to say blah-blahba-blah-blahba-blah-blah.................." Well wasn't that fu*kin' enlightening! My daddy used to say things too. My daddy used to say FU*K YOUR DADDY! Fu*k your daddy, in his wrinkled rusted rural a**hole! Grow up Jimmy Bob Danny Frank. You're not 5 years old anymore........more like 9!
3. Musicians with only one name - Madonna, Sting, Jewel, Bono..............Get a fu*kin' last name! It's bad enough their music sucks, but without a last name you can't find out where they live so you can throw a fu*kin' bomb through their window...........I got a nice name you can use. How about Pretentious C*ck-Sucker? Even has a trendy lil' hyphen!
4. These guys with "hands-free phones" - Mr. self important can't be bothered. Just because he's on the phone doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to sift through high-end merchandise and reach for his Platinum credit card.........I say "Hey Mr. Spaceman! As long as your hands are free, why don't you reach over here and fondle my balls!"
5. People who let their children record their outgoing message on their answering machine - Yeah this is just what I wanted. I don't get to hear about how "cute" kids are enough everywhere else I look, now I get to sit through some more of it on my phone. And the kid's a fu*kin' moron so you can't understand a word of it anyway.................................."Hi my name is Stacey, I'm five years old, my mommy and daddy can't come to the phone, once i rode a pony, i like to eat glue, my mommy and daddy say that ----------------------BEEEEEEEEP!
"Hi Stacy here's my message..............I'm coming over to KILL mommy and daddy. I'm gonna cut off their skin and make a funny hat! Then I'm gonna take out my huge ding dong and -- BEEEEEEP!"
Well, there you go. I think that should give you the idea. Just list some people that piss you off and give some humorous reasons as to why they deserve to get hit over the head with a Stilson wrench.
), but I think each and every one of those people have earned their single names. No offense, but it sort of sounds more like you have a little bit of a problem with things / people that are different. If they want to have a little bit of an ego- what's the problem? Better them than someone like: The Pope. Or, The President. Or, The Terminator.