Steven Wright jokes...

[piggsy]

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings . . . Boy With Pail . . . Kitten On Fire.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier . . . I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

[Evil Dave]

I love Steven Wright! Anyone remember his role in Half Baked as "The Guy on the Couch?"

[lowkey]

I do. My favorite movie role he's done was the pilot in So I Married An Axe Murderer.

That's a really underrated movie too. Certainly better than Austin Powers, which is just stupid.